Why is that such a hard word to say?  It’s 5 letters.  One syllable.  It’s not like it’s “antidisestablishmentarianism,” or “zugunruhe,” or for heaven’s sake “Annaliese.”

Why is it such a hard concept to internalize?  Shouldn’t it be simple? Shouldn’t it just be easy?  You can make a character judgement, and if they are upstanding, loyal, kind, and honest…can’t you just trust them?

Why is it so hard to really trust in the process?  Trust in whatever it is that gets you through the day?  Has that thing ever let you down?  If it has…no wonder.  If it hasn’t…why is it still so hard?

My God has never abandoned me.  My God has never, ever, left me without at least a tiny bird of hope in my soul.  And yet I doubt.  And yet I am afraid.  And yet I do not see–or understand–the end of the tunnel, for the road is long and dark.

“Courage, dear heart.”

Trust.  Trust in the doctors.  Trust in the medication.  Trust in the Lord, that he knows the outcome and has planned it to show his great love.  Trust that everything is to work out as planned.

Trust that you are not alone.  Trust that there is a perfect, beautiful result to these trials you experience.  Trust the refining process, that it will yield a more beautiful, polished, you.

These words are beautiful.  They should bring hope to my soul.  They should fill me with a peace.  And yet I doubt.  I am afraid.

Even more, it breaks my heart to hear that someone else I have always trusted to lead me is struggling with this too.  Maybe not trust, so much as hope for a bright future.  Despair in the voice of someone you have always run to for comfort and strength…it. is…hard.

Sometimes roles reverse, I suppose.  Role reversal isn’t always easy, or something that is desired.  How do you take the lead for someone that has always lead you in the way that is right?  How do you trust you will have the strength to be there?

“‘I wish I were braver.’  ‘If you were any braver, you’d be a lioness.'”

This is where I start reciting what it is I know to be true.  I think that anyone in a difficult situation, should call upon their life truths.  What is it I know, in my heart of hearts to be true?  To be real?  To be trustworthy?  Maybe something in that list will spark a fire of trust once again.

I believe in a perfect end.  Not what I can envision, because I am not perfect.

I believe in a God who loves us more than I can conceptualize, and I can conceptualize a lot of love.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that we are called to live for the truth, regardless of what kind of path it becomes.

I believe there is always hope for the future.  Always.  I have to, else I’d crawl into a hole today, and not come out.

I believe that…even when we cannot see the good in something, it is there.  Perhaps to be understood tomorrow, perhaps only by our succeeding generations.  But it is there.  And that has to be enough.

Romans 8:18-39: 

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.


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