The Lull

It’s the calm before the storm today.
Well, except for the actual rain.  And the soon-to-be-crazy annual UGA Wildlife Society Wildlife Supper.
But for me, for my internal weather, it’s the calm before the storm.  Or it should be.

Tomorrow my world flips.
Tomorrow I leave Athens, maybe for the summer, maybe for good.
Tomorrow I drive down dirt roads to my new home.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my first adult home, my first adult friends, my circles, my crew.
Tomorrow I pack Yertle the Yaris for the great green yonder.
Tomorrow, you may call me Goldilocks, for I’ll be chasing the bear that is just right.

I titled this “The Lull,” because like a storm, everything on the ground is still, silent, waiting.
The sky is not still, silent, or waiting. It’s brewing, moving, swirling, plotting, gathering.  This is my heart, my mind, today.  If you see me, you’ll probably see a cool, collected person.  If you read this, you’ll know better.
There have been so many typos within these few words because my fingers refuse to cooperate with the keyboard.
The sky in my heart is rolling with brilliantly purple clouds.  There is beauty there, ominous adventure in the thunder, adrenaline shocks in the lightning, worry in the thickness of the clouds.
My heart, my hands, my mind aren’t quite steady.  My eyes, my face, my words are practicing diligently on being even keel and smooth.  (I’m not sure it’s working)

My thoughts race with things about which I’m futilely trying to avoid thinking.
I’m not ready to leave my Athens family.
I’m not ready to cut short new friendships.
I’m not ready to leave the precious people at my church.
I’m not ready to quit my m.a. training.
I’m not ready to be without the habits I’ve formed since December.
It doesn’t matter whether I think I’m ready or not, I’m going tomorrow.
I am the luckiest girl in Georgia to have gotten this job, and I’m going tomorrow.
I believe in divine timing: I do.  I have to, I wouldn’t have a hope in the world if I didn’t.  And my divine timing is tomorrow.

It might seem like the lull, the calm, quiet moment before the purple clouds drop onto the earth, but I know better.  I’m in those broiling clouds.  I am the lightning and the thunder, the purple and blue.
Every ground needs rain.  And tomorrow, it’s raining.


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